G-O-O-D bye

HATE?

It has been a long time since I was able to write in this blog.
This has been my diary blog and I miss writing my day to day experiences.

Today I cried. Not because I am weak but because I am tired. I am tired of all the people who just doesn't seem to care of what other people feel.

I have always told myself and others that you need to love and accept yourself. Whatever your size, color, shape or even status is, you got to accept it and love it in order to be happy. And yes I still believe in that. However, I cannot deny that I want to fit in. I don't want to be an outcast.

College has been a very bad part of my life. Although not all but some of the people here are mean and harsh. I don't know how to deal with them anymore. I cant comprehend why they are like that.

I miss my friends back home.. I miss my high school friends.. Friends that accepted me for who I was. They were the people that even if I looked like a homeless person with my jeans and shirt, they respected me as an individual.

I want to transfer back to Davao. But my parents have given me so much for this opportunity and I love the professors here because they are experts of their own chosen field and they are nice.

Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I always tell myself at the end of the day that everything is gonna be ok. That I should ignore what they say. But I can't because I see it everyday. I hear it everyday. Why can't they see that I'm trying my best to fit in. to be nice.

I am just so stressed right now.. I don't care how many papers I need to write. That is so much easier than having to deal with all the hate.

I WANNA GO BACK HOME. BUT I'LL GO BACK HOME WITH A DEGREE. I WILL MAKE MY PARENTS PROUD. I WILL NOT LET YOU BRING ME DOWN.

To my parents and my family, thank you for everything. for all the sacrifices you have done just to send me to a wonderful university. To give me everything I need everyday. For believing in me that I can do it. I love you

To my college friends, (you know who you are <3), thank you because if you guys aren't there, I would have just broken down and gave up. thank you for accepting me and my craziness. I'm sorry if I didn't share this with you guys in person.

God. Thank you for everything. Please help me stay strong. Help me to keep on going. I believe that you are at my side and I trust that you would never leave me.

happiness that comes from u

i had a crush on you last year..
but i never had the courage to tell you cuz u were focused on something else..
i hope ur gonna be the one who'll survive waiting for me.. i really hope ur the one.. pero kung hindi, :( then its ok.. i will not cage u and declare that u r mine..

i'm just so happy cuz u make me smile :)

Live and Let GOD

For quite sometime now,
ive been trapped in the cage of the past
ive been locked in the room of despair and
Ive been mourning about the death of yesterday. . .

I didnt let go of the past and i let it hurt me badly
I lied and lied until now i'm broken...
every time i lie about what i feel,
it breaks me like i am a piece of stick in the great tree of life..

Ive been covering the truth with smiles and anger...
I never asked myself why?
Why do i want to protect myself by hurting myself?
and why cant i let go..?

I am honestly tired of hiding..
Hiding behind the curtains of mistakes.. pain...and depression
I hope one day you will see...
That i am stronger.. braver and happier cuz

I Live and Let GOD!

Finding my purpose is hard.. yes it is
but i am willing to move forward to see it clearly
I pledge to live with God and praise for God
I may commit mistakes but i know my Father will always be there.. just sitting there waiting for me to ask forgiveness and start an new leaf

I know it is not too late..
i know i could still find the light
I know i still could move one..
you know why?
cuz my Father told me so..


He told me that i could still change
that i could still live a life of happiness, love and hope..
I just have to

~~~~~Live and Let GOD~~~~~

smile =]

Aal isz well

in life there are ups and downs..
it depends on the person if he/she will take
every failure as a challenge to improve him/herself..

Maybe i have been covering the sadness i feel with fake smiles
but now i want to TRULY smile.. i want to be happy..
I want to be contented of what i have.. and so i will now wake forward
and leave the painful and sorrowful yesterday.

I WANT TO SMILE=]

im so sorry...

For the past few days.. I've been so rude to you..
i've been so insensitive.. I've been so hurtful.
But all of these are for you...
I want you to be happy now.. bcuz u deserve to be..


I only ask you one thing..
Please do what makes you happy now because
Its very hard for me to adjust while you are near to me...

I know you will be happy with her.. ^^
"I can feel it... Its like you were meant to be"
( hmmm if i said that.. i was probably lying)
I hate saying that you are compatible...
Maybe i'm just jealous because we weren't like that when we were close..

But yeah,,... i know that its the right thing .. I should let you go.. and i should do it..
It was my stupid fault of hurting you now i gotta pay the price and get hurt`..


Im so sorry if i snob you for the past few days...
I'm just trying to do my part so that you will be happy ^^


I just have only one request... BE HAPPY WITH HER >.<

i surrender Father... T_T

hmm... crying again.. stupid me!!

But then again at least now i know why people always say that pride is very dangerous...
My pride has cost a lot... My pride was the reason i suffer...
My pride is the reason why i look so stupid right now..

Im tired of being so stupid about stuff that i am good at when its about other people..
How could i give them wonderful advises and not fix mine?
I guess i was wrong in some stuff... and yeah i regret some of it.. but my pride tells me to just go on and let go.. even how hard it is.. just go... even tears overflow let go... maybe someday when i am not holding ur hand anymore... God will fill the spaces instead of you..

Its stupid how i manage to smile when im sad, to laugh when inside i am crying.. to rejoice when everybody knows im weeping..

I know i am doing the wrong thing.. but its better this way isn't it? I've always done this kind of thing for many times so its really not new to me but yeah i admit it kinda has a different and more painful impact but duh... i can handle this .. ^^

I know Father will be there for me always.. He will help me... I surrender my life to you Father...